They all love me but ...

"They all love me but you're the only one who does anything. Goodbye."

Again encountering the fact that words and actions are not the same thing.

And in some cases the words without the accompanying actions are deceptive.

Stoicism revisited

Having a philosophy of living is better than not having one goes the argument. And it doesn't really matter which one you pick. 

It does a few things:

i - Gives you orientation and easier decision making.

ii - Less fear of the end. As much of the fear comes not from simply dying, but realizing at the end that you have not lived well. 

iii - Minimizes the feeling of backtracking. Making progress today only to wander backwards tomorrow. 

Flow vs Mindfulness

Both desirable states. And both have in common that the self is dissolved.

But also different. Flow you are totally lost on the moment. Mindfulness you are totally aware of the moment.

Not what you see

Most of the success stories we see are by people on tv, youtube, tedtalks, podcasts, or books. 

So our impressions of them are biased. We see them doing the easy work and receiving the glory. 

We don't see how they did the work, in a office, gym, or library without distractions, focusing. 

...

The holidays are over. So to should the distractions, dreaming, and planning. 

Movies again

GF: "I didn't really like the movie. It was not believable or realistic..."
Me: "I don't think about movies that way. It entertained me (I was lost in the movie) and I was inspired."

Best deal going for $30 if you ask me.

Extreme

I like the idea that "you learn nothing from that which you don't give your all".

Meshes well with 'intentionality'...
...need to edit this tomorrow.

Another Lesson from Programming

"There are always trade-offs" and "There are no free lunches"

Every optimization comes with its associated costs.

It is easy and exciting to optimize when you only see the dimension that you are optimizing. But you shouldn't forget that that optimization always comes with cost(s) - seen or unseen.

Change your mind

I guess a cool part of being young is you have the power / strength / resilience / whatever it is, you need to change your mind - to shatter one reality and start building a new one.

We 'young' somehow know that we don't know enough to make bold claims about what is really important.

And when we boldly claim we do know, underneath the words coming out of our mouths, we are acutely aware we are actually spewing shit out of our asses.

Through seeing what doesn't work, over and over, maybe someday we will get closer.

Merry Christmas
Ted

Reflection

This time of year I am drawn to planning.
I get excited.

But here, less is more.
What didn't work last year?
Just try not to repeat those. No adding goals or plans. Simple.

Confused

Is claiming someone is deeply confused an insult?

I can imagine someone in a rage of anger. In place of getting angry you call him deeply confused.

Hehe. I like that image. You can avoid anger for yourself. And I the right kind of fool won't take being called deeply confused very well.

Tough conversation

They are tough in more than one way.

Having a good conversation with language that everyone understands, actual listening, and intent to keep calm is tough to find.

And knowing when to push for having a difficult emotional conversation is tough as well.

But both, when you find them, are worth the wait and the cost.

New wave

I rode the best wave of my life today.

It was new, scary, uncertain, and thrilling.

I want to experience that feeling again with more new experiences in different areas of life.

Conventional Wisdom

Recently something got ball rolling in my head of all the problems with "Conventional Wisdom" and advice in general.

i - From the long-view of time, change is happening in almost all areas of life at a much faster rate than ever before. For thousands of years, change happened slow enough that knowledge could be refined over generations and passed down as wisdom. Now genuine wisdom from one generation ago might be completely outdated or unusable. 

ii - Disregarding the problem of time and change, advice is general tends to be biased in many ways. An important one was pointed out to me in the context of the elderly, but seems to apply generally.

When we are thinking about the elderly we tend to value safety over freedom. But when we think about ourselves we often value freedom over safety. In short our desires for others tend to be different than the desires we have for ourselves.  

When you get or give advice, you generally are not after the answer to "what do you think I should do?", but rather "what would you do in my shoes?" and the answers might be very different.

iii - 

iv - 

...

Im no different, more work to do done

I just got really lucky. Really really lucky. Pure lucky.

Half the time I am greatful, but the other half I am hateful, resentful, and jealous.

I should have done more, it missed my big chance, I didn't do as well as him.

.....

I was under the illusion that I was different. That I was greatful for my luck. I was not like everyone else.

I would overcome the mindless, the negative, the ego.

Nope. I am just like everyone else.

More work to do. More meditation to practice. More Osho to read!

Why work

Other than the basic necessities - food, shelter, etc - it is hard to think of good ways use our money that we slave for.

But family vacations seems to be one.

Both the experiencing and remembering self are included. You experience really relaxing because you can let your guard down - you are around the people you are most comfortable with and are in a beautiful stress-free environment. You also build relationships and memories that will last beyond this moment. 

Reason from First Principles

It can't only be intelligence and drive. Plenty of others have equal or greater amounts of those ingredients. He has something more.

"Reason from first principles, not from analogy", is advice that Elon Musk gives. And it is suspected that this skill / habit he possess is a key ingredient in his success.

But I am not sure exactly how to apply this advice or how to cultivate it as a mental model.

"Reason from first principles, not by comparison", maybe that is a better way to frame it...

...just googled analogy and it is pretty much exactly the same as comparison.

Got it. But now I am afraid I have also figured out that I lack another ingredient. Piss.

Another point on becoming an adult

When you are the one in the room to notice that something is wrong, but don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by saying something. +1 point.

When you were a kid and noticed something wrong it was different. You might of had the same level of conviction, but you had no real reason why it was wrong and no alternative to propose. Further, you had no sensitivity filter, you just felt it and said it.

Now it is different. How do you balance voicing your opinion with minding your own business. Or not offending anyone with trying to help.

Errr. Becoming an adult is worse than I imagined.
:)

Before your eyes

One of the only good things about not living near the ones you love is this: It is easier for you to notice change. If you look at something too frequently and the change happens over time, it is easy not to notice that any change is happening. Like the frog in the pot of mild water on the lit stove, he might not notice that it is getting hot until the simmering bubbles start tickling his ass, and by then it might be too late to hop out.

I think seeing that change is happening is an awesome power and should be acted upon wisely.

Because if you don't see it, it means that you are lost in it, without the power to put your weight behind some effort to nudge it in the direction you would like to see it go.

Fractional values

Another Very Bad Wizard podcast. This one on Thomas Nagel's Fractional values.

He makes the case that there are moral and practical decisions that cannot be reasoned through using one value. In many cases we hold competing values that can't be reconciled.

Example:
Do you follow you passion and life's work tomorrow or do you spend it with your loved ones?

But he stresses that this conflict does not mean that our moral decisions are arbitrary, rather that that need to be chosen with care.

It really is cheesey

But it also is true.

Our moments do add up to our lives.
And some small moments are really really important and special.

Beging of endings

It is something that I have historically struggled with, but did a good job this time.

When the end of one experience is approaching it is easy to forget that the ending is the most important part, while we look forward to a new beginning.

Planning and anticipation are great until they get in the way of here and now.

Thank you for loving me

"Thank you for loving me". Sort of makes no sense.

I think we all feel who we make space for in our lives is a choice. But we feel that who we end up loving is not a choice, it is just something that emerges out of the darkness of our inner lives.

So maybe, "Thank you for loving me" is more just thanking you for the space you are giving them in your life.

Acts of Omission

I think acts of omission (the things you don't do) even though they normally feel like they are very different from acts of commission (the things you do) are really on the same moral spectrum.

Though this is not our normal moral intuition for the everyday, routine, mundane, and normal acts, it becomes clear when you think and feel big and important moral actions. "I could have helped X". "I could have spent more time with my family". Yadayadayada.

Hope all is well.

Approaching the door

It seems like there are many different ways of discovering that you are not really in control of your thoughts. And I have not run into any opposing opinions.

What does a life look like if you took this fact very very seriously?

...

Today I am greatful for good friends.

...

Hope all is well.

Listening as a skill

I came across a quote that framed listening as a skill.

I love that idea - that you can become a better listener the same way you become better at other skills, with deliberate practice.

The quotes explains a main tenet of being a skilled listener: the ability to hold in your mind all the agitation caused by the information coming at you. Hold it and remain calm.

It's tough.

This weekend I am seeing many old friends and meeting new people. Seems like a great opportunity to practice.

Another Example

Of how the Buddha was right.

I have free money / found money and it is causing me stress.

It is objectively a purely positive thing and yet my mind is not satisfied.

Funny Book

It still amazes my how a book can be really funny. I guess that I just have not (and may never) shook my childhood notion of books being solely serious endeavors.

A Confederacy of Dunces is helping me though.

...

On the other hand though life is pretty funny when we zoom out as see our absurdities for what they are. Maybe that is what a good funny book is capturing. 

Palabras y Acciones

Dicen que las acciones son mas que las palabras.

No se. Me parece que los dos tienen sus lugares.

Y a veces palabras (o silencio) exije mas coraje que acciones.

Pero al final los dos son las mismas cosas: Son actos del albedrio. Y probablamente los deberiamos elejir con mas sabiduria que los elijimos ahora.

Consejo de la salud

Todos tienen sus opiniones de la salud y estan muy rapadidos para darte sus consejos.

Es mucho mas facil a dar consejos que es seguir tu propia dieta.

Entonces me parece el mejor que podemos hacer para ayudar otros es ser un buen ejemplo, ayudarlos si pedirte, y decir las tres palabras mas dificil a decir en el mundo - "I don't know". 

Pizza

Comemos pizza hecho a mano.

El mejor parte fue que el chef le encantó el proceso de hacerlas.

Salieron muy buenas

Gracias Mariano

Thor 3

One thing that I am convinced you should do at least once a week is watch a movie. They are so powerful. They inspire and motivate me in 2hrs for the rest of the week. Very good RIO.

Juntos

Fuimos a Madero Tengo. Pero el show era antes, en el camino.

Cuando hay tiempos difíciles, necesitamos estar juntos.

Pero, ya fue. La vida (como el tengo) sigue.

Another freewill conclusion

Since ultimately everything is determined, praise and blame in the way we generally mean them don't make much sense.

If you did not will or author your thoughts, actions, or character, you deserve no praise or blame for them.

At first this depressed me a bit. Now it is sort of liberating.

To be continued ...

A freewill conclusion

So what.

Say everything is determined, one straight line from beginning to end, no choice in the matter, all cause and effect, puppets on a string, no ultimate free will.

One conclusion is: so what. 
We can still praise and blame people for there actions.
Someone winds up and bitch smacks you. You don't care that they had no ultimate say in the matter. Nor should you.

We don't live in a world only filled with theories, ideals, and concepts; we live in a world filled with people. People who judge themselves with praise and blame. People who are guided by the praise and blameworthiness they assess to others. And people who ultimately take responsibility for their actions.

.....

I am not sure I buy this conclusion. 

Moral Luck

Thomas Nagel wrote an essay on moral luck.

The very bad wizards discuss it in a podcast.

And lately I am becoming more and more aware of how much of it I have received.

It is at one time both strangely depressing and jaw-on-the-ground amazing to begin to believe that almost nothing in your life has come to be because of your willing of it.

"... it becomes gradually clear that actions are events and people things."

What implications this has for everyday living (rather than just fun philosophical thinking), I don't know.

New experience

Today I gave my parents a new experience. It was probably a bit uncomfortable (as most new experiences are), but worth the cost (as most new experiences also are).

It was nice to return the favor.  

Mañana Carne

Mañana vamos a comer un monton de carne. Estoy emocionado pero...
... todavía no he hecho un decision final en este tema.

Deberíamos comer carne?

Obviamente no es bueno en el mundo ideal. Crea el sufrimiento.
Somos humanos son especial?
Son nuestras costumbres más importantes que el sufrimiento?
Deberíamos cambiar nuestra moral con las etapas de la vida?
O elegimos con cuidado y seguimos en pie hasta al final?

Es un tema incomodo pero constante en la vida.

"Decisiones fáciles, una vida dificil. Decisiones difíciles, una vida facil."

Another poker:life analogy

Literally, you are making millions of small decisions that collectively determine the outcome. 

When you stop taking care with the unseen, almost mindless, small decisions, by extension you are also being careless with visible results. 

What to read

"The easiest way to live a better life is to read ten books a year." Kevin Kelly

And that's about the pace I am at.

But there is so much to read. The classics, the latest practical science, your favorite authors, recommendations of friends, Amazon recommendations, reread your favorites, or whatever catches your eye. And then there are blogs, newspapers, newsletters, and podcasts.

Half-life of negative emotions

Again, the one thing that I am taking away from the mindfulness and meditation crap is that you can really change and improve what I have heard called 'the half-life of negative emotion'. Or in simpler terms, how long you are controlled by the feelings of sad, agitated, angry, down, etc. before they loose their power and grip on you.

Yesterday I noticed I was agitated. Nothing clicked or changed, so I remained agitated. Ten minutes passed. I noticed that I was angry at my girlfriend for eating the caprese empanada that I wanted. Something clicked and I became aware of how ridiculous this feeling and thought pattern was. The agitation soon loosened and lessened.

The part that is new is the 'clicking of ridiculousness'. It is really cool.

The best ice-cream

I just had the best ice-cream of my life. But realized in the middle of a spoonful that it would not matter at all if I was not sharing it with great people. Laughing at how I pronounce mascarpone.

Big Idea #1: Platonism

Platonism - the idea that abstract objects - forms - are objective, timeless entities, independent of the physical world.

Weird how an idea this big and important is irrelevant to us in everyday life. I can't think of an example of how I would using this.

Not too late

I often feel I am behind the pack.

"I can't start this now. You are supposed to do this before you're x."

It is crazy how powerful this silly nerosus is.

Learning that one of my heroes didn't finish his undergraduate degree until his early thirties is inspiring (even if it was Stanford).

Taking a break

Vacation starts today.

But there will be no break from this blog. Some things are more important than vacations. Some things border on sacred. Blogging and working on my craft as a blogger will not cease.

Alan Watts said "the purpose of life is simply to be alive". But my purpose is blogging.

Sigo hasta la última parada.

New Word: Sprezzatura

The word comes from The Book of the Courtier, where it is defined by the author as "a certain nonchalance, so as to conceal all art and make whatever one does or says appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it"[wikipedia]. 

It is a trait that I admire for some reason. Maybe because some of my heroes have it in spades. Or maybe it is because I posses very little of it.

And it is cool learning a new word when that word is something you 'knew' but didn't have a word for. 

Even when you have no idea how to pronounce it.

Take care.  

Trapped Words

Adventuring to Argentina in a few days and I am looking forward to working my way out of this cage.

Last year I was speaking semi-fluently, now I can't udder a sentence without stumbling and bumbling.

I know the words are in there.

It very different than the feeling of being rusty I experience when sharpening tools for work. It feels like the words are RIGHT THERE but trapped, it is strange.

...

Hope all is well

Still a Skeptic

Writing this to help clarify my thoughts...

I am growing ever more curious about mindfulness, emptiness, and no-self. But I am growing more skeptical of the whole project as well.

Say for example I had a new and unique experience last night while meditating. Is that experience best classified as an insight into reality? Or is it better described as a just more thoughts, thoughts that were greatly influenced by listening to a Ham Sarris audiobook talking about these topics 30 minutes prior? I don't know.

Is there an underlying nature of the mind to be observed or will we simply experience a story?

But here it seems that the skepticism and curiosity are happily aligned - for the only chance to see if "there is a there there" is by observing more experiences and then deciding if it is all a story or something more.

I don't want to be a blind sheep, all the while telling myself that I am seeing clearer than those around me. That would be the height of arrogance. 

But I don't see any other way to go about it.

Noble Silence Over

Back to the real world...
...sort of.

The week long unstructured meditation retreat anti-climatically failed before dinner on the first day.

I was the one to break the silence.

So instead of aborting the experiment, we are changing it.

We are now going to attempt to live this week in both worlds. The mindful, non-distracted, off-line, old-school, natural, semi-sacred, real world and the fast, pleasurable, mindless, on-line, constructed, normal world.

Can you live in both during the same day?
Does trying to live in both subtract or add to both?
Is it too hard or not worth the effort?
Is one strictly better than the other?

All these questions will be explored but definitely not answered this week. 

Noble Silence

Tomorrow we enter a noble silence for a week. No talking, contact, distracting yourself, or even eye contact.

The hope is that this helps quiet the mind in order to see what it is actually doing when we are not too distracted to notice.

I am anxious for reasons unknown.

I believe the Buddha includes blogging as a prohibited activity during Noble silence.

Day 101 - Sarcasm 101

Today I learned a little bit about sarcasm from Auntie - my grandfather's 90 year old sister.

A simple 'Yeah' made me laugh til it hurt.

It was pure unmistakable sarcasm to her and to anyone watching and listening carefully, but was practiced and crafted enough that to it's recipient it was the the casual 'yeah' meant as agreement and permission to continue the story.

I got a little chuckle, then she look my way and gave a little wink, I lost it.



Thanks Auntie.

A Little Adventure

Driving across the north-east I decided to stop waiting and start a little adventure.
The adventure then grew in my imagination.
Today marks day 100.

So far, I am happy with the sense of lightness, commitment, mindfulness, and playfulness that framing life as an adventure has brought.

While I have had many new and memorable experiences in these first hundred days that will remain with me forever, the main thing that separates these days from those before it is this: I was, for some reason unknown to me and in a strange way that I will have trouble putting into words, more aware of the novelty and fleetingness of the new experiences while they were happening to me than I have been in the past.

I wasn't stopping every five minutes to take a photo nor journaling every day about a new experience the day prior, and the new moments didn't seem to lose anything in terms of presence. I don't really know how to describe it...

... It was as if life was finally lost its overwhelming momentum that had prevented stopping on command to enjoy a little moment when called for. 

... Or is if when a new experience was happening, whether pleasurable or painful, you could take a brief time out to grin and say to yourself 'so this in what this feels like' or 'so this is how this can happen' and then immediately dive back into the newness to experience it with a tad more feeling of being alive. 

To everyone in Days 1-100. Thank you.

Travel Days

Today we travel.

What has happened to me?

I used to travel joyfully. Amazed by angry travelers. How can you be angry when you are going where you want to go in a fucking airplane. If they made me spin around naked on my head singling hail hitler anthems I would do it joyfully because I knew I going to fly on a plane.

Today I am just one of those angry travelers. Hungry, anxious, and dreading the spirit airways travel experience. I have never been 'snippy' with any employee / working person even, but feel that streak coming to an end today.

What has happened to me?

Day 99

A Day in Perspective

Today is day 98 of an ongoing adventure.

It is my last day of my lovely vida cotidiana here in Playa.

I think a day is a good and natural scale of time to measure life's events.
...

I probably have around 20,000 good ones to enjoy if my luck continues.

My grandfather has about 2,000 if his continues.

We all have about 200 to prepare for WSOP 2018 Edition.

And maybe only 20 together if I visit only once a year.
...

We will have around 6,000 with our parents if we live near home.

But only around 600 if we live abroad and only re-unit for special occasions.1
...

Here is to the upcoming set of days we call the holidays and to spending more time with the people who "make us brave and kind and healthy and happy"2.
...

Credit: 
1 - https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html
2 - Kurt Vonnegut

10 Things I have learned from programming (so far)

1 - Aesthetically pleasing code often correlates to well thought out and good code.
2 - Sometimes it is just better to start over.
3 - There is a huge difference between skimming and reading for understanding.
4 - Productivity tools are awesome and often come without opportunity cost.
5 - Having a standard format is a very good idea.
6 - How the interpreter is never wrong and how the feeling that it is disappears - slowly with experience.
7 - A little bit about 'unconscious learning' (both about the process and its feeling).
8 - A high-level language with a great community has awesome 'beginner power'. You can create cool tools without years and years of learning. I attribute my sticking with it largely to this fact.
9 - Checklists are useful and do not necessarily stifle creativity.
10 - A much needed reminder of just how rewarding 'craft' or building something can be. 

10 Reasons Why Mindfulness Meditation Could Be a Fraud

i - If it were so useful where has it been for the last 2000 years?
ii - Much of what I do (maybe all) when I practice is simple thinking while sitting.
iii - Sitting cross-legged makes me feel not quite noble, but less like a sloth.
iv - I am just a different / new-age / enlightenment want-a-be.
v - It provides a (or rather, another) believable reason to permit being narcissistic.
vi - Who is the 'self' that is observing / being aware?
vii - How is the subjective claim of 'no-self' or 'emptiness' different from the claim of 'seeing the light [of heaven]?
viii - We are in a big thought-bubble / group-think / circle-jerk where no one is questioning it's merits.
ix - We have a biological inclination to seek meaning; this is just another story.
x - How could an enlightened being have a weight problem. Suspect.

WARNING: DONT READ THIS

We have been blogging for 20 days now and I am not really loving it to be honest.

Most days I write what at the moment I think is profound only to ready it later that day and find it pretentious.

And today for example I have nothing to say. It was a good day, I felt a lot of nice emotions, and I did my work. But that is it, I have nothing of value to add to the conversation.

...

But maybe I am not loving it because I am confusing writing a blog with being a blogger (if you couldn't tell I am in the former category).

Writing is still helping me clarify my thoughts, clearing the fragmented drive that is my brain, and it might be a nice time capsule one day.

So here is to anyone reading and to the next 20 blogs.
Cheers. 

Two way street

Most all the streets here are one direction.

Passing my friend on the way to work the other day "But isn't it the other way?" he asked. "Yeah, but it is only a one way street, buddy." I replied. He smiled and told me "You are the only person in this town going the long way."

Now every morning I am torn.

In one direction my friend and everybody else are right - going the wrong way is faster, not hurting anyone, and I even like the tiny sense of fuck you to the traffic gods, un-rightfully pissed off drivers going the other - correct - way, and generally to the systems and rules and laws and customs and order everywhere.

But going the other way, the long way, also appeals to me, symbolically. My favorite blogger has a saying about the 'long cut' - reminding us not that there are no short-cuts, but that there is only one, and that one short-cut is taking the long route. 

Why Buddhism is True (1)

Preface:
I read a book recently by this title and took a lot away from it. His title (and mine) are intentionally provocative but we are not talking about any of the non-materialistic / spiritual tenets of the religion (to be honest I don't much about them). We are referencing psychology that can be tested through experience that Buddhism claims as truths.

...

# 1 Expelling the myth that obtaining contentment can come through obtaining the object(s) of desire(s).

...

The idea...
It is more than an idea. It a large part of what propels thoughts and actions.
If  big or long held desires are fulfilled happiness, contentment, or piece of mind will come. The voice whispering "NOW SUCKS" will stop.

...

Even my very non-Buddhist aunt explained that this was a myth in an example or absurd proportion.

Now I have clearly experienced it.

One of my longest held desires, the noun at the end of "If I only had X", has been obtained.

I am very great-full, but contentment has not replaced in full the space previously occupied by desire. It has simply been filled with other desires.

...

The problem is treating in (like I do) the objects of desire as if, well, as if they were more than objects - the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

But perhaps the objects of our desires are just that - objects.

The problem is not that we have desires, it is that we believe the implicit promises they carry.

...

'The Minimalists' mantra: "Love people, use things [aka the objects of our desires]. Because the reverse never works." 

10 Things where the Evolutionary Perspective...

... is often more interesting than Our Daily perspective.

My very limited understanding is that all of what we often call human nature was "selected" for through the process of natural selection. But that this does not mean that all of human natures pieces and parts were individually selected or that we use them for the purpose they were selected for. My favorite example of the later is that our noses probably did not evolve to hold our glasses.

I occasionally enjoy looking at parts of life through this lens. 

1 - Food - what we eat.
2 - Food - why we are fat.
3 - Imagination - what is its purpose?
4 - Morality - Us vs Them.
5 - Our silly routines, ticks, and habits.
6 - Short term vs Long term thinking and action.
7 - Emotions - what are the purposes of curiosity or jealousy.
8 - Our immune system.
9 - Striving.
10 - Cleanliness and personal hygiene.

* Maybe some things like love, relationships, and family are better not to be thought about through this perspective? 

10 Ways to Think of Freedom

1 - COMPLETE CONTROL. Totally free from coercion. A mini mental god.
2 - SIMPLE CONTROL over the direction of our lives.
3 - LUCK to buy a dinner, last minute airline tickets, your child a formal education, or hot coffee without thinking twice about it.
4 - INTERNET.
5 - The OPTION to change your mind [as the evidence changes].
6 - NO OBLIGATION to explain yourself to anyone.
7 - SPACE and TIME to figure things out for yourself.
8- The ABILITY to be without distraction or addiction (think: the buddha).
9 - The invisible SUPPORT to fail, fail, fail without fatality.
10 - The SPACE BETWEEN the stimulus and your response. (Victor Frankel)

10 Reasons I am Grateful for Not Having a Real Job

Preface:
Both people I know who have transitioned from having a real job to playing poker as an occupation have confessed an almost deranged perspective to me. As the pain is being hurled upon them, as it is at some point or another to everyone who chooses this occupation, they have confessed "This hurts but still beats having a real job."

I can't share their perspective because I don't have their experience, but I try to be as grateful as they are for not having a dreaded, evil, corrupt, monotonous morally bankrupt '''''real job'''''.

.....

The Small (but non trivial) Reasons:
1 - No dressing up like a clown - a suit, tie, pants, or shirt with a pocket or buttons.
2 - Not having to listen to co-workers complain. I have enough of that at home, I come to work to escape that, not have more of it.
3 - No arbitrary schedule.
4 - No city, state, country that you have to live it.

Real Reasons:
5 - THE WORK is always more important than the signaling of the work.
6 - You get all the blame. And all the glory.
7 - You are free to always adjust work:life balance. Freedom.
8 - You discover real motivations rather than purely structural or profane ones. (Anger, survival, and curiosity rather than climbing a ladder.)
9 - Zero politics if you choose. Zero.
10 - Will + work + patience lead, with mathematical certainty, to the fleeting yet amazing feeling of progress and the stable feeling of earned satisfaction.

 

10 Good Things About Having a Cold

1 - It gives you a slightly less rubbish excuse for making rubbish excuses.
2 - It makes you appreciate the time when you were at 100% health.
3 - It makes you appreciate the 98% health you still have.
4 - It provides a good reason to drink orange juice.
5 - It gives you sympathy for the permanently ill.
6 - It increase your will to act in a healthful manner.
7 - You might experience one of those great, deep, restoring slumbers.
8 - It provides a good excuse to do the organizing and cleaning you were putting off, because when you are sick doing cognitively demanding work usually fails.
9 - Not having to see, or be one of, 'those' expensive gym people.
10 - Soup always taste better when you are sick.

10 Things About Her:

1 - How she encourages me to be silly and play around like a child.
2 - How she curses the world only in castellano.
3 - How she reads.
4 - How she learns things for no reason at all.
5 - How she is a horrible lair, but half-heartedly tries anyway.
6 - How "do you want ice-cream?", means "I want ice-cream!!!"
7 - How she insists on meditating with me every night even though she always falls asleep.
8 - How we share the same problem of being a 'Natural Enthusiast'.
9 - How it makes some animal noises that make me die laughing.
10 - How she took (and takes) and chance.

Stong Opinions - Revisited

A while back I wrote about holding strong opinions.

I was a bit disappointed with myself that I did not hold many. Thinking more about it now, I am happy to report that I now hold a few.

Not about topics that you usually associate with strong opinions - politics, child-raising, or morals. But rather simply what works for me.

Someone can tell me about the optimal diet or nutrition or what is right and what is wrong. And I can take comfort in saying "Maybe. All I know is that this is the diet that works for me because I have tried them all." I have now tried and failed, though about, forgot, remembered again, tinkered with, stumbled upon, and experienced enough that I have developed some strong opinions on what works for me.

Meditation Retreat DIY Experiment

Strict cancellation policy on airBnb.
No turning back now.

We are going to try a week long silent meditation retreat but without the structure and guidance provided by a meditation center.

This is going to be different from my first and only retreat in at least three ways. No teachers, no enforced schedule, and the fact that we will know the other participants.

Of these three, the one that I think could change the experience for the worse is the latter. The fact that we know each other might limit our ability to quiet the mind. I think a lot of the power of being on retreat is the calming effect of anonymity. I know for myself, many of the 'monkey mind' though patterns involve those people I know and who are around me. I have far fewer strong social thoughts and my mind is quieter working in a crowed cafe surrounded by strangers than I am at home with a friend or loved one. We shall see.

Other than that the structure and environment should be fairly easy to recreate. With the internet we have access to the best guided meditations and meditation teachers in the world. And with oatmeal and pasta we have the staples of the yogi diet.


This is an experiment in two things: seeing how structure influences my behavior and seeing just how curious I really am about my mind. I hope that if all goes well - with only one hour of airBnb planning and one or two trips to the market - we will have the chance to re-create (both in the sense of recreating a real meditation retreat and in the sense of being able to create it when ever where ever) a truly unique experience. An experience that helped me slow down enough to see things just a bit more clearly.

Remembering: Long Term Satisfaction > Immediate Pleasure

Every self-help guru repeats the same mantra: "Think long term."

I believe them.

The problem is that I don't have many experiences to support the mantra.
To provide the energy to turn the words of the mantra into more than words - action.

Hmmm, so ..."I believe them" is not quite correct.
Rather it's "I trust them".

They are different.
Belief needs to be accompanied with a feeling.
A feeling that I am struggling to muster.

Or should I say: was struggling.

Taking a large poop this morning provided just the experience I am talking about.
This was not merely a pleasurable poop, but an immensely satisfying one.
One that forwent pleasure for days...
but in the end was, without a doubt, worth it.

While not the most profound example, I think little constant reminders that 'satisfaction > pleasure' are necessary until I build up the experiences and the memories and feelings that spring from them to help turn the self-help mantra in to action. 

Walking talking contradictions

Hit the gym then eat a croissant.

Watching mobility exercises while hunched in front of a computer.

Dreaming of foreign travel while living in mexico.

Actually I can't think of anymore at the moment.

So fuck off. That's not too bad. And...

"It is the appearance of inconsistency, and not its absence, that makes people attractive." - NN Taleb

It has to be a new thing -

Having an 'Organized Virtual Life'.

Here in the real world it is easy to see if you are organized or not:
Talk to your accountant or look in your cupboard or closet.

In the real world I am pretty organized.
But virtual organization is throwing me for a loop.

Files, folders, passwords, emails, programs, bookmarks, creditcards, digital wallets, ect...

And it seems to me that given how much of my life takes place virtual that being organized virtually might be as important if not more important than my closet.

Why is being still so hard ?

I can't figure out why it is so hard.

Why it produces so much anxious energy. 

I have done it for hundred of hours now and still it is the toughest thing I do each day.

It might even be the best thing I do for myself.

It's not for the obvious reasons:

I don't have fear of missing out or regret of not doing something.

Nothing dark, scary, or physically painful has ever happens.

Why?

Really I have no clue. 

It's not just me...

...that has this problem!

We have lots of passion.
We are motivated.
We do the work.
And we do this again and again.

So what's wrong?

We are easily distracted.
We have no attachment to what's important.
We are kids in a candy store.

I wonder if we are the only ones?
Is this a modern phenomenon?

Anyway...
Back to work.

"The goal is to keep the goal the goal; to keep the path the path." Dan John

Why rush?

Rushing to _____.
A 'chicken running around with it's head cut off'.
Every morning.

Why?
Where are you going?

There are NO, ZILCH, NINGUNO, ZERO benefits to rushed.

Theory:
Long-term perspective (don't chase the shinny thing)
+
Priorities in order (only so many fucks to give)
=
No rush.

"Over the handlebars"

There are so many 'what meditation is like' analogies.
One more.

You wreck
You go over the handle bars.
Kind stranger: "Are you ok?"
You: "I think so."

But you don't really know.
Yet.

There is too much adrenaline.
To feel much of anything.
To know the answer to "Are you ok?"

Chess Philosophy of Life

i - Facing attack, ask the question, "Defend or Counter?".
ii - Don't chase with only one piece. Develop your pieces. They are stronger working together. 

I want to like you...

Help me out.
I'm angry.

Many options:
i - Be angry. Never go back.
ii - Be angry. Leave yelp review. Never go back  (unless they give you a gift certificate).
iii - Be angry. Calm down. Go Back. Remember your anger. Be angry AGAIN. Repeat. (my default)
iv - Go back tomorrow and say PLEASE....I WANT TO LIKE YOU. Help me out? I'm not too angry.
v -
vi -
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.
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Five Thought About This Daily Blog

1 - No using "I".
2 - My favorite blogger when asked his job says "To notice things". Cool job.
3 - What was this blog saying 6 years ago?
4 - Maybe this will help with The Goal - "The goal is to keep the goal the goal; to keep the path the path." (Dan John)
5 - A way to clear your cluttered head, crystallize your mushy ideas, test your biased predictions, laugh at your silly anxieties, and to remember your adventure.