Juntos

Fuimos a Madero Tengo. Pero el show era antes, en el camino.

Cuando hay tiempos difíciles, necesitamos estar juntos.

Pero, ya fue. La vida (como el tengo) sigue.

Another freewill conclusion

Since ultimately everything is determined, praise and blame in the way we generally mean them don't make much sense.

If you did not will or author your thoughts, actions, or character, you deserve no praise or blame for them.

At first this depressed me a bit. Now it is sort of liberating.

To be continued ...

A freewill conclusion

So what.

Say everything is determined, one straight line from beginning to end, no choice in the matter, all cause and effect, puppets on a string, no ultimate free will.

One conclusion is: so what. 
We can still praise and blame people for there actions.
Someone winds up and bitch smacks you. You don't care that they had no ultimate say in the matter. Nor should you.

We don't live in a world only filled with theories, ideals, and concepts; we live in a world filled with people. People who judge themselves with praise and blame. People who are guided by the praise and blameworthiness they assess to others. And people who ultimately take responsibility for their actions.

.....

I am not sure I buy this conclusion. 

Moral Luck

Thomas Nagel wrote an essay on moral luck.

The very bad wizards discuss it in a podcast.

And lately I am becoming more and more aware of how much of it I have received.

It is at one time both strangely depressing and jaw-on-the-ground amazing to begin to believe that almost nothing in your life has come to be because of your willing of it.

"... it becomes gradually clear that actions are events and people things."

What implications this has for everyday living (rather than just fun philosophical thinking), I don't know.

New experience

Today I gave my parents a new experience. It was probably a bit uncomfortable (as most new experiences are), but worth the cost (as most new experiences also are).

It was nice to return the favor.  

Mañana Carne

Mañana vamos a comer un monton de carne. Estoy emocionado pero...
... todavía no he hecho un decision final en este tema.

Deberíamos comer carne?

Obviamente no es bueno en el mundo ideal. Crea el sufrimiento.
Somos humanos son especial?
Son nuestras costumbres más importantes que el sufrimiento?
Deberíamos cambiar nuestra moral con las etapas de la vida?
O elegimos con cuidado y seguimos en pie hasta al final?

Es un tema incomodo pero constante en la vida.

"Decisiones fáciles, una vida dificil. Decisiones difíciles, una vida facil."

Another poker:life analogy

Literally, you are making millions of small decisions that collectively determine the outcome. 

When you stop taking care with the unseen, almost mindless, small decisions, by extension you are also being careless with visible results. 

What to read

"The easiest way to live a better life is to read ten books a year." Kevin Kelly

And that's about the pace I am at.

But there is so much to read. The classics, the latest practical science, your favorite authors, recommendations of friends, Amazon recommendations, reread your favorites, or whatever catches your eye. And then there are blogs, newspapers, newsletters, and podcasts.

Half-life of negative emotions

Again, the one thing that I am taking away from the mindfulness and meditation crap is that you can really change and improve what I have heard called 'the half-life of negative emotion'. Or in simpler terms, how long you are controlled by the feelings of sad, agitated, angry, down, etc. before they loose their power and grip on you.

Yesterday I noticed I was agitated. Nothing clicked or changed, so I remained agitated. Ten minutes passed. I noticed that I was angry at my girlfriend for eating the caprese empanada that I wanted. Something clicked and I became aware of how ridiculous this feeling and thought pattern was. The agitation soon loosened and lessened.

The part that is new is the 'clicking of ridiculousness'. It is really cool.

The best ice-cream

I just had the best ice-cream of my life. But realized in the middle of a spoonful that it would not matter at all if I was not sharing it with great people. Laughing at how I pronounce mascarpone.

Big Idea #1: Platonism

Platonism - the idea that abstract objects - forms - are objective, timeless entities, independent of the physical world.

Weird how an idea this big and important is irrelevant to us in everyday life. I can't think of an example of how I would using this.

Not too late

I often feel I am behind the pack.

"I can't start this now. You are supposed to do this before you're x."

It is crazy how powerful this silly nerosus is.

Learning that one of my heroes didn't finish his undergraduate degree until his early thirties is inspiring (even if it was Stanford).

Taking a break

Vacation starts today.

But there will be no break from this blog. Some things are more important than vacations. Some things border on sacred. Blogging and working on my craft as a blogger will not cease.

Alan Watts said "the purpose of life is simply to be alive". But my purpose is blogging.

Sigo hasta la última parada.

New Word: Sprezzatura

The word comes from The Book of the Courtier, where it is defined by the author as "a certain nonchalance, so as to conceal all art and make whatever one does or says appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it"[wikipedia]. 

It is a trait that I admire for some reason. Maybe because some of my heroes have it in spades. Or maybe it is because I posses very little of it.

And it is cool learning a new word when that word is something you 'knew' but didn't have a word for. 

Even when you have no idea how to pronounce it.

Take care.  

Trapped Words

Adventuring to Argentina in a few days and I am looking forward to working my way out of this cage.

Last year I was speaking semi-fluently, now I can't udder a sentence without stumbling and bumbling.

I know the words are in there.

It very different than the feeling of being rusty I experience when sharpening tools for work. It feels like the words are RIGHT THERE but trapped, it is strange.

...

Hope all is well

Still a Skeptic

Writing this to help clarify my thoughts...

I am growing ever more curious about mindfulness, emptiness, and no-self. But I am growing more skeptical of the whole project as well.

Say for example I had a new and unique experience last night while meditating. Is that experience best classified as an insight into reality? Or is it better described as a just more thoughts, thoughts that were greatly influenced by listening to a Ham Sarris audiobook talking about these topics 30 minutes prior? I don't know.

Is there an underlying nature of the mind to be observed or will we simply experience a story?

But here it seems that the skepticism and curiosity are happily aligned - for the only chance to see if "there is a there there" is by observing more experiences and then deciding if it is all a story or something more.

I don't want to be a blind sheep, all the while telling myself that I am seeing clearer than those around me. That would be the height of arrogance. 

But I don't see any other way to go about it.

Noble Silence Over

Back to the real world...
...sort of.

The week long unstructured meditation retreat anti-climatically failed before dinner on the first day.

I was the one to break the silence.

So instead of aborting the experiment, we are changing it.

We are now going to attempt to live this week in both worlds. The mindful, non-distracted, off-line, old-school, natural, semi-sacred, real world and the fast, pleasurable, mindless, on-line, constructed, normal world.

Can you live in both during the same day?
Does trying to live in both subtract or add to both?
Is it too hard or not worth the effort?
Is one strictly better than the other?

All these questions will be explored but definitely not answered this week. 

Noble Silence

Tomorrow we enter a noble silence for a week. No talking, contact, distracting yourself, or even eye contact.

The hope is that this helps quiet the mind in order to see what it is actually doing when we are not too distracted to notice.

I am anxious for reasons unknown.

I believe the Buddha includes blogging as a prohibited activity during Noble silence.

Day 101 - Sarcasm 101

Today I learned a little bit about sarcasm from Auntie - my grandfather's 90 year old sister.

A simple 'Yeah' made me laugh til it hurt.

It was pure unmistakable sarcasm to her and to anyone watching and listening carefully, but was practiced and crafted enough that to it's recipient it was the the casual 'yeah' meant as agreement and permission to continue the story.

I got a little chuckle, then she look my way and gave a little wink, I lost it.



Thanks Auntie.

A Little Adventure

Driving across the north-east I decided to stop waiting and start a little adventure.
The adventure then grew in my imagination.
Today marks day 100.

So far, I am happy with the sense of lightness, commitment, mindfulness, and playfulness that framing life as an adventure has brought.

While I have had many new and memorable experiences in these first hundred days that will remain with me forever, the main thing that separates these days from those before it is this: I was, for some reason unknown to me and in a strange way that I will have trouble putting into words, more aware of the novelty and fleetingness of the new experiences while they were happening to me than I have been in the past.

I wasn't stopping every five minutes to take a photo nor journaling every day about a new experience the day prior, and the new moments didn't seem to lose anything in terms of presence. I don't really know how to describe it...

... It was as if life was finally lost its overwhelming momentum that had prevented stopping on command to enjoy a little moment when called for. 

... Or is if when a new experience was happening, whether pleasurable or painful, you could take a brief time out to grin and say to yourself 'so this in what this feels like' or 'so this is how this can happen' and then immediately dive back into the newness to experience it with a tad more feeling of being alive. 

To everyone in Days 1-100. Thank you.

Travel Days

Today we travel.

What has happened to me?

I used to travel joyfully. Amazed by angry travelers. How can you be angry when you are going where you want to go in a fucking airplane. If they made me spin around naked on my head singling hail hitler anthems I would do it joyfully because I knew I going to fly on a plane.

Today I am just one of those angry travelers. Hungry, anxious, and dreading the spirit airways travel experience. I have never been 'snippy' with any employee / working person even, but feel that streak coming to an end today.

What has happened to me?

Day 99

A Day in Perspective

Today is day 98 of an ongoing adventure.

It is my last day of my lovely vida cotidiana here in Playa.

I think a day is a good and natural scale of time to measure life's events.
...

I probably have around 20,000 good ones to enjoy if my luck continues.

My grandfather has about 2,000 if his continues.

We all have about 200 to prepare for WSOP 2018 Edition.

And maybe only 20 together if I visit only once a year.
...

We will have around 6,000 with our parents if we live near home.

But only around 600 if we live abroad and only re-unit for special occasions.1
...

Here is to the upcoming set of days we call the holidays and to spending more time with the people who "make us brave and kind and healthy and happy"2.
...

Credit: 
1 - https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html
2 - Kurt Vonnegut

10 Things I have learned from programming (so far)

1 - Aesthetically pleasing code often correlates to well thought out and good code.
2 - Sometimes it is just better to start over.
3 - There is a huge difference between skimming and reading for understanding.
4 - Productivity tools are awesome and often come without opportunity cost.
5 - Having a standard format is a very good idea.
6 - How the interpreter is never wrong and how the feeling that it is disappears - slowly with experience.
7 - A little bit about 'unconscious learning' (both about the process and its feeling).
8 - A high-level language with a great community has awesome 'beginner power'. You can create cool tools without years and years of learning. I attribute my sticking with it largely to this fact.
9 - Checklists are useful and do not necessarily stifle creativity.
10 - A much needed reminder of just how rewarding 'craft' or building something can be. 

10 Reasons Why Mindfulness Meditation Could Be a Fraud

i - If it were so useful where has it been for the last 2000 years?
ii - Much of what I do (maybe all) when I practice is simple thinking while sitting.
iii - Sitting cross-legged makes me feel not quite noble, but less like a sloth.
iv - I am just a different / new-age / enlightenment want-a-be.
v - It provides a (or rather, another) believable reason to permit being narcissistic.
vi - Who is the 'self' that is observing / being aware?
vii - How is the subjective claim of 'no-self' or 'emptiness' different from the claim of 'seeing the light [of heaven]?
viii - We are in a big thought-bubble / group-think / circle-jerk where no one is questioning it's merits.
ix - We have a biological inclination to seek meaning; this is just another story.
x - How could an enlightened being have a weight problem. Suspect.

WARNING: DONT READ THIS

We have been blogging for 20 days now and I am not really loving it to be honest.

Most days I write what at the moment I think is profound only to ready it later that day and find it pretentious.

And today for example I have nothing to say. It was a good day, I felt a lot of nice emotions, and I did my work. But that is it, I have nothing of value to add to the conversation.

...

But maybe I am not loving it because I am confusing writing a blog with being a blogger (if you couldn't tell I am in the former category).

Writing is still helping me clarify my thoughts, clearing the fragmented drive that is my brain, and it might be a nice time capsule one day.

So here is to anyone reading and to the next 20 blogs.
Cheers. 

Two way street

Most all the streets here are one direction.

Passing my friend on the way to work the other day "But isn't it the other way?" he asked. "Yeah, but it is only a one way street, buddy." I replied. He smiled and told me "You are the only person in this town going the long way."

Now every morning I am torn.

In one direction my friend and everybody else are right - going the wrong way is faster, not hurting anyone, and I even like the tiny sense of fuck you to the traffic gods, un-rightfully pissed off drivers going the other - correct - way, and generally to the systems and rules and laws and customs and order everywhere.

But going the other way, the long way, also appeals to me, symbolically. My favorite blogger has a saying about the 'long cut' - reminding us not that there are no short-cuts, but that there is only one, and that one short-cut is taking the long route. 

Why Buddhism is True (1)

Preface:
I read a book recently by this title and took a lot away from it. His title (and mine) are intentionally provocative but we are not talking about any of the non-materialistic / spiritual tenets of the religion (to be honest I don't much about them). We are referencing psychology that can be tested through experience that Buddhism claims as truths.

...

# 1 Expelling the myth that obtaining contentment can come through obtaining the object(s) of desire(s).

...

The idea...
It is more than an idea. It a large part of what propels thoughts and actions.
If  big or long held desires are fulfilled happiness, contentment, or piece of mind will come. The voice whispering "NOW SUCKS" will stop.

...

Even my very non-Buddhist aunt explained that this was a myth in an example or absurd proportion.

Now I have clearly experienced it.

One of my longest held desires, the noun at the end of "If I only had X", has been obtained.

I am very great-full, but contentment has not replaced in full the space previously occupied by desire. It has simply been filled with other desires.

...

The problem is treating in (like I do) the objects of desire as if, well, as if they were more than objects - the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

But perhaps the objects of our desires are just that - objects.

The problem is not that we have desires, it is that we believe the implicit promises they carry.

...

'The Minimalists' mantra: "Love people, use things [aka the objects of our desires]. Because the reverse never works." 

10 Things where the Evolutionary Perspective...

... is often more interesting than Our Daily perspective.

My very limited understanding is that all of what we often call human nature was "selected" for through the process of natural selection. But that this does not mean that all of human natures pieces and parts were individually selected or that we use them for the purpose they were selected for. My favorite example of the later is that our noses probably did not evolve to hold our glasses.

I occasionally enjoy looking at parts of life through this lens. 

1 - Food - what we eat.
2 - Food - why we are fat.
3 - Imagination - what is its purpose?
4 - Morality - Us vs Them.
5 - Our silly routines, ticks, and habits.
6 - Short term vs Long term thinking and action.
7 - Emotions - what are the purposes of curiosity or jealousy.
8 - Our immune system.
9 - Striving.
10 - Cleanliness and personal hygiene.

* Maybe some things like love, relationships, and family are better not to be thought about through this perspective?