"Put down your pencils"

.....I always had mixed feelings after the teacher said those words when taking a test. Not being done or doing as well as I thought I should, I was left unsatisfied and frustrated. But on the other hand I was always glad it was over. Finished up playing for the year a few hours ago and that is exactly how I feel.
I met my volume goal, feel like I'm playing the best I ever have, and wrapped up the year with a good month. That being said I feel like it "left some out there", which is not a good feeling. Ohhh well, already looking forward to getting more out of myself in 2014, but I am really looking forward to December.
Tomorrow off to Bangkok for two days, then Hong Kong for a week, over the big ocean to Las Vegas for ten days, then flying home for the Christmas....I get excited just thinking in about it all.

Random things:
- I watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead yesterday and I think I am going to get a juicer.
- Billy Crystal is my new favorite comedian AINEC.
- I am starting to the hang of these internet short hand things.
- Having a good face-to-face conversation is one of the reasons I am really looking forward to coming home....it's been TOO LONG.
- I tried to buy $2,000 in Bitcoin when they were at $12.50, but I didn't because getting verified for the the exchange was too much of a hassle. ATM they are trading at $1199.00[https://www.mtgox.com/]. I'm not going to do the math.

Take Care

Crazy November

My First Year

Damn you......

....good mood, go way, I need to work.
For the past few days I have been in a strangely good mood (a bouncing/skipping instead of walking down the street good mood). My cousin got engaged!!!, running good at the tables, weather is beautiful, good book, eating too much, no exercise[1], looking forward to some travel at the end of the month and ending up back home to see my family for Christmas....just nothing bad has entered my head in the last few days[2].
I need to snap out of it. When I am in a good mood there are so many things I would rather be doing than[3] sitting in front of my computer playing poker (and I am a little less than half way to getting to my volume target for November).

AHHHHHHH
Ted

[1] - I am getting fat in a hurry.
[2] - I haven't turned on my TV in weeks and only get my news via twitter....maybe that has something to do with my good mood too?
[3] - I still don't know the difference between then and than. Is that acceptable?

Quick Update; Back in Chiang Mai

I am back in Chiang Mai for November. My trip to Bangkok was great. I met some cool people, explored the city, avoided being scammed and ripped off all but once, and relaxed. But after a few days I a was more than ready to get back to work.
October ended up results wise the best month of the year for me, but I was not happy at all with how I played especially during a week long span where I played like a complete dog.
I am trying to put in a ton of GOOD volume in November so I can clear a bonus and so I don't feel so bad when not playing at all in December.
December 1st and 2nd in Bangkok, 3-9th in Hong Kong and Macau, then flying to back to the states, probably spend a few days with a good friend in Vegas, then home for the holidays!!!!, then....I don't know. Looking forward too it all.

All the best


A Blog: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/
A Song (one of my favorites): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_5U0M9ErGA
October (very mixed feelings):

Checking Out from Chiang Mai and Taking Shots

I played a lot in the last month and my brain is fried (for example it took me about 10 minutes to construct this first paragraph). I am a little upset with myself because I feel I should be working, but I very strongly suspect that a break is the best thing for me. So, off to Bangkok, for a vacation!
My time here in Chiang Mai was great. I will definitely be back soon.
Just going to wander around BK for a few days, meet some people, hopefully finish this huge book I am reading, eat some good food, hopefully not think about poker for at bit, and figure out where to go next.

I am almost to a point were I have a bankroll that I have a very small risk of ruin. When I get there I NEED to START TAKING SHOTS. I am way to conservative. It is really hard to realize your potential without taking any risks.

Why Take Shots/Risks
- unlimited upside with limited downside
- helps you learn more and learn faster
- new experiences can keep you motivated and energized
- it's the only way to find out how good you can be (or how bad you are!)

I am GOING to get a camera phone when in BK....pictures to follow.

Thanks for reading.
Hope all is well,
Ted

The Book: Shantaram

The Month

http://www.hostelworld.com/hosteldetails.php/Lub-d-Bangkok-Silom/Bangkok/24575?dateFrom=2013-10-08&dateTo=2013-10-11&sc_sau=avdc&sc_pos=4
The Hostel

Checking in from Chiang Mai

Tired but can't sleep, seems like a good time for a blog update.
Been here is Chiang Mai (Thailand) for almost three weeks now and don't have a bad thing to say about the place. If you get a chance, check this place out.
The currency here is awesome as well. No fractions or decimals, just nice simple whole bhat, it makes things so much easier. (31bhat = $1, bottle of water = 7bhat, standard street meal = 40bhat) Beautiful!
Starting to get back in the grove of playing (poker). Staying focused on learning and improving is always a struggle when you are seeing money flung back and forth with a clicks of a mice and turns of cards. Keeping a "real" perspective is also hard for me as when I have 4 winning days in a row I feel like I am god's gift to the poker universe, but after a just few losing days I start question my whole career path. It is just crazy stupid how short our memories are and how our prospective on something we thought we were sure about can change so fast and due to something so small (or nothing at all!).

Here for at least another week or two.....then who knows....anyways.....

A Blog: http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/
A Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p80TKl5WR1I
A TED Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
A super cool resource for free online edumacation: http://www.openculture.com/

Wrap Up from Playa

Packing up the apartment and reflecting on my time here.
First, my thoughts on Playa. It's a cool place. You basically have 3 groups of people, tourist, expats/hippies/move to the beach and open a restaurant people[1], and locals. All three have their own gifts and flaws and all have a very different perspective on life. All I will say is that I find that the product of how all three groups interact and live with each other is quite cool.
Oh, and the local food is really good and cheap[2]. I think it has a lot to do with there being a lot of small owner-operated places. When the person who asks what you want and then serves you is also the person who picked the menu and bought and prepared the food, I think there is a better chance of the food being really good.
Second, my thoughts on my first six months as a professional poker player[3]. Where to start? It's different than I thought it was going to be....wait.....that's not true, I really didn't have any idea how it would be, so how could it be different? Put it this way, many extremely successful poker players you listen to credit much of their success to loving the game. I don't. I think it is a great game, a cool way to make a living, challenging, but there are some negatives that I am struggling to get over as well.
Positives:
- challenging, evolving, and complex game which if you are better at than others are, you make money at
- forces you to keep learning about the game and about yourself
- the human element of poker (competition, thinking about what your opponent is thinking, etc.)
- totally merit based
Negatives:
- socially isolating
- emotional roller coaster[4]
- being zero sum game it is very self serving
- VARIANCE
- loss of the true value of money
I wish I could say that I loved it, but I don't, so.....All that said, I do really enjoy what I am doing and am working on accepting or changing the negatives.
Third (and finally), more introspection about my life (surprise, surprise). A lot of people in my generation take time after finishing school to travel, experience, and find themselves. And to be honest, I have sort of been looking at this last six months in that way. I think that I was hoping to find something that I was overly passionate about or better yet something that I was innately great at and enjoyed. I have not found that thing and I now know that poker ain't it.
However, above I  failed to mention the greatest benefit about playing poker; it should[5] give me the freedom to do what all the things I do truly love (trying to become a better person, learning, seeing/experiencing/meeting new people and things, and just enjoying life (in that order, I think, or hope)(so many parenthesis I feel like I am back in math class)). And poker simply acting as a means an end....well.....that's good enough for me. Anyway....my after school "awakening" time is over and might be silly concept to begin with.

Plans:
NYC for 4 days with 4/5th of the immediate family (and extended family)! Then Atlantic City with good friend for a few nights of poker and junk food at the Borgata. Then home for some family time (and planning where to go next). Then the lake for some fun. Then who knows.

Enough about me.
Hope all is well with you. Take Care.
Ted

[1] This also includes move to the beach and work at a restaurant(or bar, or hostel/hotel, or dive shop) people.
[2] I am not looking forward to paying more than $4 for a meal when I get back to the US.
[3] I don't like the term professional poker player, but I got nothing better.
[4] I am really bad with this one. Trying to get better with it, but I am an emotional guy, and it's hard for me.
[5] "Should", meaning if I get to where I want to be with poker in the near future.

Second Quarter Graph and Where I'm At

April 1 - Today (June 25th)
Going to take it easy for a few days and go down to Belize!
Better than the first quarter, but still a bit disappointing

Where I'm At: 

I think that I have learned a ton of new stuff over the course of the first six months of the year. And yet again the biggest thing that I have learned is how little I know and how much more there is to learn. 

I just read a few books and they talk about the Adult Learning Model (ALM). It states that there are four stages of learning, unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence.

Adult Learning Model

Unconscious Incompetence- You don't know what you don't know

Conscious Incompetence- You realize what you don't know

Conscious Competence- Things in the process of being learned

Unconscious Competence- Things learned to the level of mastery or when things become instinct

I have also been reading a lot about the mental aspects of poker (as opposed to tactical/strategical aspects). Basically how to get the most/best tactical and strategical shit out of your brain while playing. The three coolest/most important things that I have learned are that there are three types of knowledge accessed by our minds, the role emotion has in the mental game of poker, and stable confidence (with which I struggle with). 

3 Types of Knowledge Accessed by Your Mind

Intuition- Intangible Competence reacting in the moment

Thinking- Conscious knowledge that requires effort to extract

Instinct- Knowledge trained to the level of unconscious competence

Role of Emotion in the mental game of poker

- when your emotion is above a certain threshold your "Thinking" 

brain shuts off and you are left with intuition and instict

(and pretty much all my good poker knowledge is still in the Thinking

portion of my head, almost nothing has been "mastered"....yet)

- emotion can accumulate

- emotion is not a flaw in your mental game it is rather just highlighting 

an underlying problem in your approach to the game

Stable Confidence

- Relying on short term results for confidence is a BAD IDEA

(especially in poker where there is so much randomness)

-The other way to build stable confidence is by 

1- Understanding your own skills

2- Understanding your opponents skills

3- Understanding Variance/Randomness/Luck

My goal over the next month is to work more on these things and worry less about results and improving strategically....Anyway....I am looking forward to my last few weeks in the taco mecca that is Playa Del Carmen (but am also beginning to look forward to visiting back home (can you visit your home?))

Hope all is well,

Ted 

A Day in the Life FOOD STYLE: A Fathers Day Tribute

I love good food, I think I picked this up from my beautiful father; Happy Fathers Day Pops

Breakfast #1 
Nothing special, but still delicious.

Oatmeal with raisins, a banana, cinnamon, a soy milk

(the fruit down here is really good) 

Breakfast #2

 Around 9:45 everyday I hear honking of the horn...

 this means breakfast number two has arrived.  

I wait 15 minutes for the crowd to die down....it is a tough 15 minutes

The first few days I got a lot of strange looks as I am the only gringo around

She has got Tacos (usually 3 different kinds), Empanadas (queso, pollo,

 champiñones, y atun), Tacos Dorado, and more

Only two tacos (higado and asada) and one empanada (queso) today

Lunch: Cafe Andre..

It's on the square by the municipal palace and park...

a good spot for people watching

I always just get the daily special not knowing what it is 

and I'm usually pleasantly surprised when I take the first bite

Today was some sort of soup with a bunch of nice flavorful meats.

And of course chips and salsas.

Late Dinner on the Street

Found the busiest street vendor on 30th Ave, waited until

the cook said something in spanish and looked at me, I smiled 

and said "dos tacos?, he smiled."

They were really good

Some homemade ice-cream for dessert...

best vanilla ice-cream I have ever had 

Another day in the life here in Playa with great (and cheap) food, thanks dad. Happy Fathers Day. See you soon

A Great Vacation and The Thoughts that Came Along

Jayne (my sister) is visiting and we have been bumming around all week having a good time. My thoughts have been all over the place, which is one of the best parts about a vacation in my opinion. When we are not too busy stuffing our faces with tacos or walking on the beach I have found myself either reading a book, reading and watching interesting stuff on the web, and thinking a bit about all sorts of things.....

-I am started reading (11% finished) the Albert Einstein biography. The thing I like about the guy is that he just questioned absolutely everything. He had no problems questioning authorities and even went so far as to question space and time. I would like to have more of this trait in myself and am going to work to do so.
-I sort of like the idea of going hard/grinding/depriving yourself/discipline/structure 90% of the time and binging and relaxing 10% of the time. I am talking mostly about work, diet, exercise, and stuff like that. It seems that by doing things this way 1) you build good habits 2) you enjoy the 10% so much more. I am going to try to try this out as well.
-Poker stuff....big picture stuff though....not specifics.
-I have been trying to learn all about digital/cryptographic currencies (bitcoin, ripple, etc.). This topic fascinates me and I wish I had more time to learn more about the topic.
-Great commencement speech and worth a watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqRPesTumlA.
Cliffs: Take extraordinary risks/paths and live in the moment.

That's it...thanks for a great vacation Jayne, my batteries are recharged and I am looking forward to the 90% for the next 10 weeks.
Hope all is well,
Ted

Long Walk on the Beach

I ate too much for dinner, so a long walk on the beach felt like a good idea. 

After walking a around a mile or two I found a good spot where the high surf from earlier had created a comfortable bench, looking outward into the dark ocean  lit by Cozumel in the background, or into the star-filled sky, depending on your heads angle, and I popped a squat[1]. I was alone. It was quiet and peaceful. 

My thoughts quickly went to what has been on my mind for the last few days. That is, what happens when I go back home broke[2]? I went through what my life would consist of if that was the case. Then for some reason I thought "ok, what would I do if I had ALL THE MONEY?". I went through imagining my life in that scenario as well. Then I laughed.

The two visions were pretty much the same[3]. I took a deep breath and felt much much better.

Hope all is well,

Ted

[1] The best way to walk on the beach if your goal is to work off dinner and do some soul-searching/thinking is as follows. Walk relatively quickly until you think you have gone far enough, this will give you some good exercise and clear your mind, as you can't thing when you move too fast. Then take a seat, relax, let your heart rate come down, do your thinking. Walk back really slowly as you can think clearly when you are moving slowly, refine your thoughts. 

[2] Not absolute zero broke, but broke enough where pursuing this great dream of becoming a professional poker player no longer seems practical. 

[3] Similarities consisted of family, work of some sort, improving myself, and trying to help others in some way. The differences were the type of work and the amount of time that I spent away from work. 

First Quarter Graph

Here is my poker "income" from the first quarter of 2013.

With rake-back and bonuses it was about a break-even quarter and was frustrating to say the least. 

I wish I could point to one thing and say "this is what happened" or "this is what I need to do", unfortunately I think there are a lot of things that need to happen for a better second quarter to the year. I have some ideas though[1] and am....mehhhh.....optimistic....I guess you could say. 

Hope all is well

Happy April Fools Day[2]

Ted

[1] Mainly focusing on focus. I think my mind has turned into mush over the last 2 years and I need to figure out how to turn it into back into a high powered machine!

[2] I don't know if they know about this holiday in Mexico. I will have to find out.  

Update from Playa + Winners and Losers

[0] I guess the best way to update this is to report on those 5 Goals from last post.....
1 (10% Body Fat) - Going Ok. I think I have lost a little weight, I am eating healthier[1], and am really active [2]. But I have lost a little focus and need to step it up if I want to accomplish this goal [3].
2 (Have Good Time) - I sure am, seeing new things and meeting some really nice people[4]. Enjoying the weather[5].
3 (Get a lot better at playing Poker) - I think so[6].
4 (Make money) - Failing. I have not made a penny and have spent quite a few.
5 (Become proficient in[7] Spanish) - Ah ...not actively trying to learn, but I am picking up a little bit and learning common phases. It would be easier if everyone didn't speak English.

Here's a simple thought that I had this morning on Winners and Losers in a competitive environment (ie small and mid-stakes online poker, but I think applies most places). I think that the two most important things that are overlooked when we see people as winners or losers in their fields are variance and small edges. Variance is everywhere we just don't like to see it because we don't understand it and can't make it fit into cause and affect story. Small edges are interesting because they are often mistaken for variance. And if someone is doing something just slightly better than others (in the right area), he could become the winner rather than the loser a large percentage of the time. He might not know why, others might attribute his winning to luck/variance, and it might be imperceptible to outsiders why he is a winner rather than a loser, but I suspect even having a razor thin edge in the right area[8] could separate winners from the losers.

Hope everyone is doing well at home. I am really looking forward to my parents coming to visit next week.

[0]- I am going to use end notes. I saw it in another blog (AEJones) and I liked it.
[1]- I am not really actively trying, but the environment that I am in has helped a lot I think.
[2]- On a good day I will run in the morning, lift around noon, and play tennis in the afternoon. On a bad day just play tennis and walk on the beach.
[3]- It is a bet as well as a goal. This should help with the motivation.
[4]- A man named Bugzy, was the most interesting character so far.
[5]- It's really crazy and sort of sad how much the weather affects (or effects, I don't know) your mood.
[6]- It is really hard to tell at this point. Both because I am not winning and because it is hard to be objective about those things
[7]- Is it "in Spanish" or "at Spanish"? My money is on at "at Spanish", I don't think you can be in a language.
[8]- How do you tell what the right area is? I think that for me as far as online poker goes the right areas might be intense focus while playing, actively trying to thinking objectively, and understanding my motivation for playing.

-Ted

   

First Week in Playa del Carmen

I've been in Playa for over a week now and I have to say that I think I made a good choice to move here for the next six months. Everybody is friendly and helpful, the weather is perfect, the beaches are great, and the food is good. 

A few observations during this first week in Playa:

1- Everyday I see a handful of people doing sports illustrated style photo shoots on the beach. What are you doing? Sure you look good in a bathing suit, but why are you doing this? Show them to your kids in 15 years? Post on Facebook? I don't know maybe I'm missing something.

2- I'm still undecided on topless beaches.

3- Good book > Good movie

4- Everybody looks better with a tan.

5- What if the Mexican Segurity Guard/Police Union, the MSGPU (I just made this up), made up the hole "mexico is dangerous" garbage and fed it to the press so they would get more jobs? Brilliant. 

6- It's crazy how things can be so expensive and so cheap in the same town. On the beach you can't get dinner for under $20; go a few blocks inland and people are feeding families of 6 (or more) for that much (getting about the same quantity and quality).

Things that I Want To Do While in Playa (in no particular order):

1- Get down to 10% Body Fat. Plan on running on the beach, eating somewhat healthy, not going to CookOut, playing tennis, basketball, beach volleyball, and Frisbee. Maybe swimming?

2- Have a good time.

3- Get a lot better at playing poker. To do this I just need to put in the effort.

4- Make enough money that I can do whatever I want the rest of the year. To do this I just need to put in the time.

5- Become proficient in Spanish. Enough so I can travel to places they speak Spanish and do everything on my own (i.e. get a lease, find good food, talk to locals, etc...)

Moving into my place tomorrow. Will post pictures when I can.

-Ted

And We're Off?

Graduated college. 

It's hard to sum up four and a half years in words but.....probably chose wrong major, met some great people, had some good times, learned some important (?) stuff from some intelligent people, and laughed a lot. But I cant lie, unfortunately I have some regrets. Mainly not taking enough risks (you are in the safest lowest risk place in the world), why not push yourself.

I'm off to mexico in a day or so for the next little while (six months?). More to come.......