Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The plan is to cram a shit ton on school into the next fourteen months and be done with it. While school is not the worst place in the world to be, I’m ready to move on.
The little bit of poker I played the last few weeks has gone really well. I’m getting back in the groove of things, realizing some of my old vises, and trying to work through them. The plan is to play a lot between now and the beginning of next semester, when my course load really picks up.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

Coarse Request (picking classes for next semester) is this week. This time around it seems like everyone graduating at the same time as me has to come up with what they want to do after they graduate in order to pick there future classes. This does not make me feel very good seeing that I have no idea what I am going do when I graduate.
I do know what I don't want to do. I don't want to use my degree in the way it was intended, get a job for a construction company, and work a nine to five. That would be way too boring and too easy and too simple.
So, if I want to do this poker/self employed thing directly after graduating I need to start getting my shit together, now. I told myself a while back that I need to have $X of liquid assets when graduating in order for me to attempt the poker route; and as of today I am nowhere close. In order to get to that number I can't coast or relax, I need to start grinding and putting in the hours and effort.

Monday, October 17, 2011

I went and played poker again last weekend at Charles Town races. One of the good things about playing live poker is that it gives you time to think.
The first thing that I came to realize, and I have thought about this in the past but it really sank in this time, is that when you lose you should not be upset or emotional in the least (assuming you played your best). When you sit down you are accepting the risks, no if ands or buts. I know this seems trivial but knowing this principle and following it are two different things. I was sort of proud of myself for following it this weekend.
Another good thing that happened this weekend was that the game slowed down a little bit for me. In the past it seems that a thick fog would cloud would cover my mind when I was under the gun with a meaningful decision. As I play more and more this fog is getting lighter and lighter and my I have more control over myself, letting me make better rational decisions instead of acting on impulse.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

October 12, 2011

I wonder where the line is and if I have crossed it. If not I think that I am getting close. I'm talking about the line between confidence and arrogance. For some reason I that I can't pinpoint I am really confident about everything in my future. I wonder if I was not so confident that maybe I would work harder and be more motivated about school. And I also wonder why I have this sense of confidence about future Ted. Thinking about it now I have no special talent, my work-ethic is only slightly above average, my IQ is probably not too high, and I probably am not quite good looking enough to be a movie star. If I had to guess I would say that my possible false confidence complex come from my childhood environment. My parents were always quick to point out why I was "special" and were reserved when it came to pointing out my flaws. I always had more money than my peers growing up and performed relativity well in athletics, but all my peers were flat broke and being named 1st team all district is not quite as impressive when there are only 4 teams in your district and fifty percent of them couldn't get a base hit if they tossed the ball to themselves.  
I don't know if it is possible to consciously try to be less confident.  

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

October 4, 2011

I have not played online poker since April 8 (Black Friday). But last weekend I went and played live with my friend and started thinking again about whether or not I would like poker to be my profession after I finish school in a year and a half.
It's good to have options; here are mine, in respect to which I prefer at this moment.
1- Finish this year, leaving one year to graduate, pack up, maybe with a friend or two, move abroad (assuming online poker is not legalized yet), play for a year, reevaluate
2- Finish school then play for a year and reevaluate
3- Finish school get a normal job like everyone else, by poker on the side, aka live a normal life

I really like option 1 at the moment, I don't think my parents would like it though. It has a lot going for it and really nothing going against it.
- get to move abroad and see more of the world
- get to play poker and finally figure out if I could do this for a living and if I want to do it
*wow Kenny Rogers "The Gambler" song just started playing on pandora, could be a sign, eh
- if I fail, come home finish school and get a job
- get to live my life my way (underrated if you ask me)
- could make a lot of money if everything goes to plan

The only downside if it does not work is the loss of time (very valuable), loss of earning potential (whatever), wouldn't get to graduate with friends that I went to school with. That is all I can think of anyway.

Monday, October 3, 2011

October 3, 2011

I want to write down my thoughts somewhere where I wont be able to loose them or throw them away.
I moved in to my new place today. Living with some hippy lady and her crazy amount of animals. Who has a goose. I think it will go somewhere between great and okay; time will tell.
Lately I have been very motivated. But the problem every week it is another thing. One week it's fitness, the next it is school, then golf, now saving/earning money. Guess it's better than not being motivated at all.
Recently I have been trying to help out my grandpa. We have always been really close. He is not all that happy with his life, in my opinion. And i'm trying to get him back on track. If anybody deserves to be happy, without a doubt, it is him. He is my pet project for the foreseeable future. Its going good so far but we got a ways to go. At least he is intelligent and open-minded, I would imagine change stands no chance verse most 78 year old men. Not him. I love him and love trying to help him.